dualtorus

Sometimes life transformation comes up just like a flood, a force that has to be faced head-on in the moment. The Murwillumbah flooding that I am still dealing with physically, in terns of throwing out, washing and cleaning, drying with fans and heaters, takes a lot of energy, and the mess that is around is distracting of myself doing normal things, a sort of a stress reaction?

Also, there may come, as I have just dealt with, an internal cleansing of the psyche, the spiritual connection. It arrived Friday evening, waking me around 2am. I got up attempting meditation etc, but the distraction was ongoing and building rapidly. No more sleep at this point. I went online to my support group and vented expression wise, the keyboard being attacked by my heavy handed fingers. It is safe as the people there are in the business of transformation, and I knew that I would not be judged by the mind’s ravings at the time. Images of my childhood trauma in being sexually molested came up in pictures internally. I still remembered vaguely that this had happened, but was unaware of the big charge on it still?

After venting the typical emotions of outrage and anger, I felt a twinge better briefly. Then, near 6am, my body started to close down, eyes shutting walking into things etc. I put it to bed, and then the real energetic clearing began in the dream state. I was aware of my voice (dream voice of course) screaming, wailing, and roaring, and the images of faces and scenes twisting and distorting in front of me. When I woke next time, my body was stretching itself into odd positions, twitching, and rolling back and forth. My voice (awake voice this time) was groaning loudly each time my body moved

That next day, I switched off phone, mobile, computer, and distanced myself from anyone, so as to integrate properly. Today the “storm” has passed completely, and I feel the joy returning. The outer and inner events (water, emotions, upheaval, cleansing) may have been connected strongly (a week apart) and in between the events, my body, head, and eyes, felt heavy, tired, and forced. Today I am again joyful, happy, and grateful for my support group and friends. Such are the things we journey in these times……