Some time ago I did a post entitled “Formless”, also with subsequent posts. The experience occurred in 1994.
Recently, I was wondering about it in terms of its “publication permissions”, similar as analogy to a computer file having security permissions for read/write, access etc.
I was able to fully express it vocally just once, without the body floundering because of extreme emotions in trying to describe the indescribable. The expression of this latest attempt, which went for nearly 30 minutes, was also recorded on video live in Sedona, Arizona, in an auditorium of 60 odd people.
The video, on viewing afterwards, had an audio soundtrack over some of the story so that my voice was not able to be heard. This put the recording of the expression totally out of context, as it needed all the parts to be together to make sense over the 2 years the events occurred.
In previous years, I had responded to a request from a spiritual publication wanting to print people’s experiences in their magazine. I had carefully written out the whole story as it happened to me leaving nothing out, and posted in accordingly to the advertised address.
When the publication was some time later read from the magazine, it was seen to be completely rewritten by the editor, to reflect his or her idea as to what really happened, so that it was “comfortable” to the editor. “Oh no, you can’t say that. Here’s what it should be!!”
Maybe a year ago now, an online closed spiritual facebook type page requested material also for posting. I wrote the experience out in its fullness, and was getting ready to hit the send button, when the face of a world teacher came into my head suddenly, the screen went ga ga, and the written material disappeared. “Nope, not here please”.
There are other vocal instances that never delivered, the throat chakra choking back the intensity of emotion, never forgotten. Of course, people got some idea by looking at what I would be going through….
If you are an instrument, surrender everything, and don’t judge yourself.
BTW – “toe karma” is nothing to do with the above. It was about a month of two massive blisters on each big toe, ages to eventually heal.